The Inevitableness of Life

whiteflowers

That is Death. This past week two of my good friends lost their fathers. Also just last week, I stumbled upon a blog of young woman who lost both her parents in her 20s. I, myself, lost both of my parents in my 30s.

My dad died just last year so it still feels rather new. You would think since I’ve been through it, I would know how to comfort my friends but really all I know is that there is no comforting them. I was grateful to my friends who showed up to the funeral. Thankful for the food they provided for those that were visiting. I didn’t want to talk. I really didn’t want to be around everyone but then I didn’t want to be alone either. Dealing with death is different for everyone and from the reactions of those around me, mine was different still. I didn’t want to cry in front of anyone (except my husband) and I didn’t want to hug because hugging made me cry.

When my mom died seven years ago (could it be that long ago?), my reaction was…frantic, almost. Lots of cleaning. Trying to take care of everything. My husband was wonderful and really did take care of everything but there wasn’t really time to just grieve. Everyone had to go back to work and I was pregnant and had a houseful of small children who still needed to eat. We made it through and, looking back, I think not being able to wallow did me a lot of good, actually.

My pain comes in waves. At first, the swells crash with hardly any time for breath but eventually they get further and further apart. It is still hard when they do hit but I don’t almost drown anymore.

This is for all of you who have lost someone.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,

and let perpetual light shine on them.

May they rest in Peace.

pinkflowers